The Old Eighteen

Remembering George Carlin

George Carlin
May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008

So I say live and let live. That's my motto. Live and let live. Anyone who can't go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It's a simple philosophy but it's always worked in our family.

Religion has actually conviced people that there's an invisible man. Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day of your life. And he has a list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any, any, of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and ash and torture where he will send you to suffer and burn and scream and cry forever and ever until the end of time. ... But he loves you.

Thou shalt not kill. Murder. The fifth commandment. But if you think about it...if you think about it, religion has never really had a problem with murder. Not really. No, more people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason. All you have to do...all you have to do is look at slavery, the Middle East, the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Holocaust, and the World Trade Center, and you'll see how seriously the religious folks take "Thou Shalt Not Kill." The more devout they are...the more devout they are, the more they see murder as negotiable...it's negotiable. It depends, you know? It depends, it depends on who's doing the killing, and who's getting killed.

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts...Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are 7 you can't say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993...to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. "All of you words over here, you seven....baaaad words". That's what they told us, right? "That's a bad word!" Awwww. No bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords. You know the seven, don't ya? That you can't say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits. Huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the words that'll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war. Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits, wow! And tits doesn't even belong on the list! It seems like such a friendly word. Sounds like a nickname. "Hey Tits, come here man! Tits! Meet my friend Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots". Sounds like a snack...oh yeah, it is. Right. But I don't mean your sexist snack, I mean new Nabisco Tits. Corn Tits n' Sesame Tits n' Cheese Tits.....Tater Tits. Bet you can't eat just one!

RIP George Carlin

What a shitty way to start the week:

Comedian-actor George Carlin, known for his raunchy but insightful humor, died of heart failure Sunday in Los Angeles, his publicist said. He was 71.

Jeff Abraham says Carlin went into St. John's Health Center on Sunday afternoon, complaining of chest pain. Carlin died at 5:55 p.m. PDT, The Associated Press reported.

Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas.

Carlin was one of those envelope-pushing comedians that I probably wasn't supposed to be listening to as a child, but thankfully my parents thought otherwise.  He had a profound influence on my sense of humor, and no small influence on my broader worldview.  Without a doubt, one of the greatest comedians of all time, along with Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, and Bill Hicks.  All of us who cherish the right to express ourselves as we see fit owe him an eternal debt of gratitude.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go scream the seven words:

Tim Russert remembered

The Daily Show web site has posted a tribute to Tim Russert on its Indecision 2008 blog featuring clips of several of his appearances on the show.

RIP Tim Russert

Tim Russert
May 7, 1950 – June 13, 2008

Tim Russert has passed away after having a sudden heart attack, at the age of 58.  This is stunning news, and a tragedy compounded by the fact that Russert died at such a relatively young age.  I've been critical of Russert on a number of occasions for reasons that don't need to be rehashed at a time like this, but for better or worse he was one of the giants of modern journalism, and his loss will reverbate throughout the political culture of this country.  He was obviously loved by his colleagues, as attested to by the testimonials being given on MSNBC this afternoon.  My heart goes out to them, as well as to his other friends and especially his family.

RIP Bo Diddley

Dead at the age of 79.  Bo Diddley was a pioneer in the development of rock and roll, and the musical landscape of this country and the world would be much poorer without his influence.

RIP Harvey Korman

Dead at the age of 81:

Comic actor Harvey Korman has died at 81, according to the UCLA Medical Center.

Korman died at the center four months after suffering complications from the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm.

"It was a miracle in itself that he survived the incident at all. Everyone in the hospital referred to him as 'miracle man' because of his strong will and ability to bounce right back after several major operations," said Korman's daughter, Kate Korman. "Tragically, after such a hard-fought battle, he passed away."

Korman was a regular on "The Carol Burnett Show" from 1967 through 1978, for which he won Emmy awards in 1969, 1971, 1972 and 1974. He also won a Golden Globe for his work on the series.

The lanky Korman also appeared in Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles" (as the sneering Hedley Lamarr), "High Anxiety" and "History of the World, Part 1."

This is sad news.  I have fond memories of watching "The Carol Burnett Show" growing up, and Blazing Saddles is one of the all-time funniest movies ever made.

RIP Hamilton Jordan

The former White House Chief of Staff under Jimmy Carter died tonight at the age of 63, succumbing to cancer after a long struggle with the disease.  He was a tireless advocte for others suffering with cancer, founding along with his wife Camp Sunshine Retreat, a camp for children with cancer, and also serving as a board member of the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation.  If you'd like to pay tribute to Hamilton Jordan, you can make a donation to Camp Sunshine Retreat here, or you can also donate to the MMRF here.

Happy LSD trails to you

He turned on, he tuned in, and now he's dropping out - permanently: Albert Hofmann, the man who discovered LSD and the first person to drop acid (not to mention the first person to have a bad trip on acid) has died at the ripe old age of 102.  I've never dropped acid myself, mostly because I had heard a lot of bad stories about the drug and was afraid to try it.  But apparently Albert's experiences with the drug, at least, were mostly positive, and he apparently used it for several decades.  The fact that he lived so long offers at least anecdotal evidence that the drug isn't nearly as dangerous as it's made out to be, as long as it's used in moderation.  Rest in peace, Albert.

RIP Lena Guerrero

Dead at the age of 50:

Lena Guerrero, a former Texas House member and appointee to the Texas Railroad Commission, died in her sleep on Wednesday after a long battle with cancer. She was 50.

[...] Ms. Guerrero was elected to the House in 1984 and served until 1991, when Gov. Ann Richards appointed her as the first Hispanic and first woman on the Railroad Commission. But Ms. Guerrero's political rise ended when, while seeking election to the commission seat, she was forced to acknowledge she had lied about having a University of Texas degree. Republican Barry Williamson defeated her.

Ms. Guerrero, speaking in 2000, three years after surgery for removal of two malignant brain tumors, said she didn't look back on the problems.

"What happened to Lena Guerrero is not nearly as important as what are we doing to grow Latinos and Latinas who can run and win and serve in public office and be leaders," she said. "I don't think we are spending enough time cultivating them."

RIP Bell Ewing

Bell Ewing passes away at the age of 114.  Story here.